Angry Mama

I haven't really written much about this pregnancy so far. I'm actually about thirty weeks along now. Surprised? I was. I keep looking down and thinking "I shouldn't have a belly this big, yet," only to realize that, well, yes, I should. It's snuck up on me, and continues to do so.

In any case, one of the reasons I tend not to think about (or talk about, or write about) my pregnancies as much is that they are fairly uneventful. Unremarkable. Boring, even. Don't get me wrong, I'm profoundly grateful to have been blessed (so far) with easy pregnancies, but it doesn't make for very scintillating conversation.

But there are plenty of pregnancy side-effects that I haven't avoided. Exhibit A? With both Cambrie and Baby Boy, I find that my Irritation Meter gets quite the workout.

I think those who know me notice that I naturally tend to go with the flow, give people the benefit of the doubt, and avoid getting worked up about tiny things. Umm, I think pregnancy messes with that natural tendency.

Here are a few of the things that tend to push me into the red zone:

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Fellow Grocery Shoppers
When I'm thinking clearly, grocery shopping is hunky dory. But every now and then, I find myself staring directly at the box of cereal that I intend to purchase while a slow-moving, grey-haired lady pauses with her cart directly in front of it, perusing the different brands of grits.

Ask her politely to move for a moment? Of course not! Check out another aisle and come back later? No, I'm in a hurry! Stand staring at her, fuming passive-aggressively at her audacity? Sounds good to me!

Student Loans
Now I'm certain I'm not the only one who dislikes dealing with student loans. However, doing so while pregnant is a dangerous thing. Patrick tends to keep a cautious eye on me while I'm in the middle of student loan business--he's afraid.

You know, there are plenty of words to describe the ease of website navigation, information gathering, and customer support that go with student loan management. They just aren't words I like to use.

I do feel a little sorry, though, for the recipients of my emails written in the heat of the moment. Written words are kind of my medium--let's just say if I want to be vicious and scathing (and still truthful and direct)... well, I hope no one got in too much trouble because of me.

Dull Knives
This one, believe it or not, is a doozy. Have you ever felt blood rushing to your face, your hackles rising, furious tears forming, and all sense of patience and reason fleeing your body, all because you were trying to slice a sweet potato? Oh yes, though I am overwhelmingly grateful for Patrick's grandparents and all they've done, I've thought a number of nasty things about the knives in the kitchen.

At one point, I tossed the offending knife down (not the safest thing to do) (...not that it was sharp enough to cut anything, I guess :-p), rushed downstairs to Patrick, and informed him that if he did not get upstairs right now and finish slicing that potato, there would be no dinner at all--for a while.

A few lessons from this one: first, I have a very understanding husband (dinner was delicious). Second, if you have a lot of money to spend on birthday or Christmas presents for me, think knives. Really nice knives.

Potty Training
This is the one I feel the guiltiest about. Though I can handle any number of child-rearing inconveniences, no matter how gross, or tricky, or mundane they might be, the idea of potty training just makes me want to shut myself off from the parenting world. While this one subject is deserving of a post of its own, let me just say that pregnant-Stephanie is not encouraged in the potty-training efforts by a little girl bursting into the middle of her shower declaring that she has to go potty.

Good parents are selfless. Good parents are patient. Good parents look forward to getting rid of diapers. Me? I curse diapers for their sloth-inducing convenience. But don't worry--our plan is to have her in panties by the time little brother arrives.

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So there you have it. When all is said and done, I'm still a very outwardly calm and tactful person; my habit of keeping my mouth shut is still in full force when it needs to be. But I'm not gonna lie, it's kind of fun to see this irrational beast rear its ugly head every now and then. It's fun to throw kindness and reason to the winds. It's funny to watch myself go crazy on the other side of the hormone curtain.

But I'm sure it will be equally wonderful to have my sense of inner calmness and control back. And I know we all hope that baby will be born, hormones will be settled, and all will be serene and happy again by the time I get any sharper knives.