Place of Holiness

I know I only just recently wrote about getting back into music, but a week ago was the culmination of one of the biggest reasons I've been playing the piano these past eight months--I was able to sing as part of the choir that performed Don Grimes' final work for the first time ever: Place of Holiness.

The best way I can think to explain this work is to share some of the director's notes. A little background first: and oratorio is a large musical composition that generally focuses on one story or subject. Place of Holiness is a work about temples, and it is based entirely on scripture. Since the Latter-day Saint church doesn't have quite as much original music as other faiths who have been around longer (think Handel's Messiah), a work of this size, subject, and caliber by an LDS composer is a little bit of an anomaly, albeit a welcome one.

Lou Williams, who directed last Saturday, writes of Don Grimes: "There is so much to tell about [him]. His first mission to Argentina, his schooling (he has three degrees including a doctorate from Brigham Young University), his service as a fighter pilot in the US Air Force, his service as a bishop, [church] organist, choir director, and many other church callings could fill volumes."

He goes on to describe Brother Grimes' service in the temples, where he served as a sealer, or someone who officiates in the sacred ordinance that seals couples and families together forever. He then continues, "[Don Grimes] and his wife Carol went on a mission to Montevideo, Uruguay where he continued to serve in the temple. After returning from that mission, having retired and with his health failing, he began working on the oratorio that is being sung for the very first time tonight."

Brother Grimes himself wrote about this oratorio:

"About the composition, both as a musician and a temple sealer, the desire to represent through music the magnificence of the temple and its ordinances has permeated my feelings over the past months with increased urgency. I am beginning to perceive some purpose in the Lord's prolonging of my days. I find I am calling upon a lifetime of training and experience, opening up old books and re-honing my creative skills. If the results could be edifying for the church and the people, I feel I would have made a contribution with the gifts I was given. These are my deepest feelings about this oratorio."

The choir that sang this piece last Saturday was certainly an amateur one--the vocal talent ranged from professional singers to singers with very little music performance experience. However, everyone who participated felt of the power and the beauty of the music. It took us eight months to prepare and forty minutes to perform (we sang a condensed version), but we will never forget that experience or the testimony of the Lord's house it bore to us.

With all that said, here are some pictures documenting the evening.

The fabulous Lisa (in the green,  Lou Williams' wife) is the one who
provided and set up our pre-performance banquet. See following photo:

Sister Grimes, Don Grimes' wife, presenting gifts before the performance.

Part of the Alto section (woot woot!), including Eve and her gorgeous new baby girl.

Our fearless director. No one put as much work or faith into this as he did!

Look at those beautiful sopranos! And you can see
some basses back there, too, if you look hard enough.

Sister Grimes and I, after all was said (sung?) and done.

The absolutely amazing desserts.

The absolutely amazing desserts being thoroughly enjoyed.

Two of the lovely sopranos. I'm so glad I didn't have to hit any high A's (or higher!). For them, it was no sweat.

This is Sister Grimes and her (and Brother Grimes')
grandson, who sang two of the recitatives in the oratorio. 

I know this is a long shot, but I'll try anyway; Place of Holiness needs to be sung again, in it's entirety. Though I have no rights regarding the music, I would be happy to send anyone who might be interested to the correct people for more information. Please do contact me (via email--stephanie.carlson07 (at) gmail (dot) com) if you are interested.

Happy Memorial Day

Today we were able to go to a Memorial Day festival, of sorts. It was one of those small town events, the kind that make you want to buy shaved ice and smile at the people you're passing on the way to the children's games.

It wasn't a life changing event, though all the cousins and second cousins certainly had a good time.

But I will remember this: when the quartet started singing "The Star Spangled Banner", a hot, humid, busy, bustling street full of people became still. Everywhere I looked, hands were placed over hearts. As the song ended, everyone cheered--more than would cheer for the other bands that would perform.

This was always my dad's favorite verse:

"Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!"

Thank you to all those freemen who are currently standing between our homes and the war's desolation. Thank you to all who have served to keep us safe and free. Happy Memorial Day.

Snapshots

It seems so cliché--"They grow up so fast," "I can't believe how big she is," "Did she really just say that phrase, that clearly, that well?" But I'm constantly amazed by these things I should already know. Here are some of the most prevalent truths that keep shoving themselves in my face:

• Cambrie is not a "mix of Patrick and me." She is her own person.
• What we say and do, she will say and do.
• Babies grow up.
• Babies grow up quickly.

This last one has really been getting to me lately. So even though most people like to commemorate their child's growth on some sort of milestone (X weeks, Y months, Z years), I just want to take the time to remember some of the things I never want to forget about the approximately 22 month old Cambrie. If I wait until she's two years old, it just might be too late.

Forever, Cambrie would ignore flowers whenever we showed them to her. She went for the rocks, instead. When she finally got interested in flowers, it was clover blossoms. You can see them all on the floor.

Cambrie loves to talk on the phone with daddy. She does it casually, while sitting in her toy cupboard, poking around. It's stinking cute.

Typical Cambrie. Dressed up all "priddy," on a rocket ship.

This looks posed, but she actually loves to sit here, on this rock, by the flower garden.

"Hat! Hat!"

Love those big blue eyes.

She loves looking at pictures of herself on the computer. I just love that little smile.

Yup. Sitting in the fridge. Look closely--she has her bear and baby sitting on either side of her. And yes, she does try to close herself in.

My sleepy baby loves her blanket.  She'll put it anywhere and just lie there--including on a hard glass coffee table. But she'll rarely cuddle with mommy or daddy. Go figure.

Thanks for letting me share these snapshots of my baby girl. It's hard to believe that even a month from now she'll be doing new things, saying new words, learning more about life. But I guess that is life. And though I'll miss my baby girl, I am looking forward to meeting two year old Cambrie and all the excitement and growth she has to offer.

Here We Go A'Yard Saling

This morning we decided to do something a little different for a family outing--we went yard saling! Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I should tell you that I am by no means a full-fledged "yard sale-r." In fact, this is the first time I've even visited any yard sales since living in Georgia. However, like creative, consistent scrapbooking and extreme couponing, hard-core yard saling has always fascinated me a bit--I watch and smile and think, could I do that? Would it be fun? Would it take over my life? Would it be worth it?

Anyways, every now and then, we hit the yard sale scene, usually only when we have a specific goal. Today it was to replace the TV that is sitting, broken, in Patrick's grandparent's basement. Patrick was the one most excited for that one, not only so we can watch TV again without crowding around our little laptop, but also because the TV broke while on his watch. He didn't touch it, but let's just say gravity was not his friend that day.

Believe it or not, our first purchase of the day had nothing to do with Patrick or me. (All you seasoned parents out there are laughing at our naiveté right now, I'm sure.) Cambrie found a little Elmo hand puppet. She has a new best friend.

Singing to Elmo on the way to the next sale.

Big hug!

She even handed over the quarter herself! (With a little coaxing from me, of course.) And if you think a quarter is a rip-off, don't tell me. I'm still going to try to pretend like I got a good deal--I bargained down from 50 cents!

Next I found a little shelf with a row of pegs.

The tag says $2; we paid $1.50.

The plan is to use this in Cambrie's room once she has a room of her own (as in, one we aren't borrowing). I'll paint it white to match the twin bed she's eventually going to be using. The bed frame (which is not white yet), was actually free from someone in our ward (church congregation) who was trying to get rid of it.

Then, through the local Relief Society grapevine, another person trying to get rid of a twin mattress and box spring got a hold of us, too.

Sweet! Cambrie has a free bed, and I'm excited to make a project out of the frame and the little shelf we got her. I'll keep you posted.

Finally, at the end of the trip, Patrick did find a TV.

Isn't it weird that these TVs are basically "old school" now?

It's not huge, but it was only 10 buckaroos. Our next TV purchase (a TV for us, and not to replace anyone else's) is in the future budget, and we plan to get a nice one. But for now, this'll do just fine.

All in all, it was a fun day. I still don't know if I could be one of those hard-core "yard sale-r"s, hitting the nice neighborhoods at 7:00 am every Saturday and reselling my treasures on eBay for a profit, but I think the occasional perusing we do works for now.

Playing Again

Today has been a grey, cool, quiet sort of day. A Clair de Lune sort of day. I found myself picking out the first few pages on the piano upstairs a little earlier. It's coming along.

I'm actually a little surprised that I haven't written more about piano before now. I think it's because piano and music are so big, so all-encompassing for me, that I'm never quite sure where to start. In high school, I very firmly identified myself with music and the piano. I was never a determined-to-be-a-world-famous-performer kind of person, but underneath all my schoolwork, my job, my friends, my family, it was always there: practices, lessons, workshops, competitions, jazz band, church hymns, and quiet moments in an empty auditorium, where I was the only person who could hear the notes filling the darkness.

Life changes, of course. I remember the day I realized I was going to quit lessons--it was the winter of my senior year, when pressures of family circumstances, AP classes, college decisions and far, far too little sleep were at an all-time high. I knew where I needed to focus right then, and I knew piano wasn't it. I think my heart broke.

College came, and though I still played every chance I could, those chances were fewer and far between. Then came marriage, and graduation, and a full-time job, and a baby, and for a few years all I could muster was the occasional Sunday evening when Patrick and I would drive up to the school to find an empty piano; I would play, and he would listen.

Last September, we moved to Georgia to stay with Patrick's grandparents--once again I lived in a house with a piano, and now I wasn't working or going to school. For the past eight months, I've been playing around on the keyboard--bringing back to life old pieces I had mastered. I feel like there has been an empty little hollow in my self that has been waiting patiently for years to be found again, and now it is slowly filling back up.

Not only have I found myself re-learning and reviving, but I've also started learning new pieces (like Debussy's Clair de Lune). I'm actually having to teach myself, picking out arpeggios and figuring out fingering. I'm practicing again, and though my twelve-year-old self would hardly believe it, I'm enjoying it.

It feels good, after several, wonderful, whirlwind years of life, to slow down, let the dust settle, and take the time to discover music once again.

Water, Water Everywhere

This past week, with the Georgia heat and humidity looming over us, we decided to finally break out the swimsuit and the hose.

This particular combination was a first for Cambrie--the swimsuit was a tad too big, and the sprinkler attachment was initially daunting, but in the end it was a winning combination.

First we had to suit her up. The hat is a favorite of hers. If you try to fold it correctly, she gets upset. We have cuter hats we're trying to acclimate her to, but that will come.

The little camera bag she's holding is her "purse."
My daughter has awesome fashion sense.

Patrick tried to show her how much fun the sprinkler was.

Cambrie was happy with waving it around, but the idea of getting the cold water on herself was a little disconcerting. The conversation went a little like this:

"C'mon Cambrie! We're going to run through the water! Ooh, see, Daddy is going to run through---ooh! My feet got wet! Now Mommy will run through... there she goes! Yay! Her feet got wet, too! Oh, so much fun! Now you try!" (Side note: you really do need that many exclamation marks when talking to her.)

*stony silence*

"C'mon! Run through the water!"

"No!" (She then proceeds to either run away or steal the hose from Daddy so she can wave it around a bit more.)

To try to get her more excited about the water, we moved her onto the grass and into the sun. This is how well that worked:

See the little baby, far from the water, way in the background?

She thought it was a better idea to play with her shoes...on the burning pavement.

Then inspiration struck; Cambrie loves the bath, she loves cups, and she loves playing with water in bowls in her high chair. Our new set-up worked much better.

We even had a mini lesson in physics!

Sticks float; rocks sink. She didn't quite get the whole density concept, though.

In the end, she had a lot of fun. When it was finally time to go in, she was not happy. I know you can't hear her in this picture, but imagine to yourself several angry words (not screaming or crying, actual "words") pouring from her mouth when she realized there was no more water coming out of the hose:

"Mommy! The water stopped! Put down the camera and come fix this right now!"

Sorry, babe! But it was very fun--and I'm sure it was just the first of many water adventures to come.

A Crash Course in Brand-New Mommyhood

Here is the second post I'm doing for my sister, whose little girl will come tomorrow, if all goes well. This time I wanted to address the first few months of being a brand new mommy.We've brought back Hillary, with little Zoie, born in September, and Sarah, with her little Ana, born this past February, to share their exhausting, crazy, baby-loving experiences.

The First Few Months

What was the best part?

Hillary said, “The best part was knowing that we were home as a family away from all the doctors and nurses constantly checking in and giving advice. It’s nice to have the advice, but trust your instincts--you will know your child better than you think and you will know what to do. Don’t stress.”

Sweet newborn Cambrie

Sarah felt it was “the time you get to spend getting to know your child; figuring out what she likes; learning when she is going to be sleepy or hungry; finding all the tricks to getting her to sleep or eat; how to make her smile and coo at you; feeling the profound sensation that you are her mommy and she is your baby.”

What was the hardest part?

The theme here is sleep. For Hillary, the hardest part was “being so tired and not being able to sleep because Zoie was up.” 

Just barely on our way home from the hospital, and already exhausted.

Sarah said it's “being exhausted. Labor drains your energy to begin with, but you also have the left over responsibility of caring for yourself. Then you also have to take care for the baby. For about a month and a half I could tell the time by when my baby wanted to eat. She got hungry every two hours and feeding her took about 45 minutes, so the longest time I had in between feedings was about an hour and fifteen minutes to sleep, eat or shower.”

What do you wish you had known beforehand?

Hillary said, “This is kind of silly, but I wish I knew to freeze meals so I could just heat them up and eat.”

Sarah had a difficult time with nursing. She said, “I wish I had known how much a newborn baby needs to eat. Not how often but how much. I had chosen to nurse, but my milk didn’t come in for seven days and we had a lot of problems getting the baby to latch on. The first night home she was so hungry and I wasn’t producing enough to satisfy her. We wouldn’t even have had any formula to give her, except that the hospital gave us some samples. We only gave her 5ml at a time. When we went to the pediatrician the next morning she told us the baby needed between 20-30ml per feeding and I realized we had basically been starving our child because of our ignorance. I was devastated. Don’t believe what those ultra-purest lactation specialists tell you. Formula is not the devil incarnate and a bottle won’t destroy your chances to breastfeed. Just go with your instincts and do what you feel will keep you and your baby happy and healthy.”

(Stephanie speaking here...) Sarah's experience is not that uncommon--for a lot of women there is a lot of grief surrounding nursing. I will say that it was, for a while, quite the awful, painful experience. But things eventually got better for me, and I was able to nurse Cambrie for about 14 months. Remember to use all your resources--from the medical side and the lactation consultant side. Once you have all the information you need, I suggest two things: give it time (if you are having trouble, try sticking with nursing, exclusively or not, for at least a month before stopping), and in the end, make a decision and stick with it. You are not a failure if you do not nurse your baby until age 3! In any case, you are just as likely to take to nursing like a fish to water. Then, it can be a beautiful, wonderful, easy experience!

Sarah adds additional advice:

“I also wish I had known that there are things you can do to help if your mild supply is lacking. There is a prescription called Reglan which help me so much. I tried one thing after another for six weeks before finally asking my ob-gyn if there was anything we could do. It took about three weeks, but now I have enough to feed my daughter. I wish I had been more willing to ask for help when it came to breast feeding,. When I finally started asking questions I found out I wasn’t alone and there was something I could do about it.”

What do you wish you had done differently?

Hillary said, “Zoie slept all day the first few weeks and I didn’t take any naps while she slept. I wanted to get the house cleaned and catch up on some stuff, but I wish I would have slept more when she slept.” 

"Really, mom? Do I look like I'll ever let you sleep?"

I will add that this is a theme I have heard many-a-time. Forget the house! Sleep! Take friends and family up on their offers to clean/cook/watch the little one for you. You will feel better if you do. 

Sarah said, “I wish I had set aside a budget for nursing bras and nursing friendly clothes. Once my milk came in I was a very full cup size bigger. All my bras, except one, were far too small and very uncomfortable. I think that was a contributing factor later when my daughter got thrush, which is a yeast infection in the mouth. I also walked around for about two months feeling dowdy and fat because none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit and all my maternity clothes looked… maternity. Finally buying some, “in between,” clothes helped boost my morale immensely."

What are you very glad you did?
Hillary said, “I am very glad that I took tons of pictures. It’s fun to look back and see how much Zoie has grown. I am also glad that I was able to get Zoie into a nap and bedtime routine--it made it easier when she got older. Start early and be consistent.” 

(Stephanie again...) I will add one thing about the pictures--definitely take a ton, but if you take videos, leave them short (30 seconds or fewer). I remember thinking, "Everyone else may find them boring, but I'll love watching my little 1 month old spit and gurgle and smile for two minutes straight forever!!" Wrong. Give it eight more months and you'll be as bored as the rest of the world. Shorter videos are way cuter. :-)

Said Sarah, “I am very glad that I let my husband help with everything. He knew how to feed the baby, change her diapers, and bathe her. Very importantly, he knew where everything was, so when I needed a break I felt comfortable leaving the baby with him for an hour or two. I just knew he could do it on his own, and so did he. Neither of us had anything to worry about.”

What one product/trick was super useful?

Hillary shared: “Always put your child’s needs before yours. It’ll make a difference in your day and attitude-- especially your baby’s. For example, I wanted to shower or read my book, but I needed to feed, change, put to sleep or play with Zoie, and it frustrated me for a bit, but when I forgot about myself and took care of Zoie, she would calm down and eat better and sleep better.”

Sarah said, “A bottle warmer was so useful. You just sit the bottle in the warmer, pour in the prescribed amount of water and about sixty seconds later when you test the temperature of the milk it’s perfectly warm. You don’t have to boil water, let the bottle sit in it, test the temperature of the milk, let it warm some more or wait for it to cool down a little, and test again while your baby cries that she was ready to eat ten minutes ago when you started making the bottle.”

My last, older sisterly advice? It is okay, and normal, in the first few months to have moments where you think to yourself, "What were we thinking?!?! I can't do this!!! I'm tiredtiredtiredtired, my baby is crying and I don't know why, and I'm tired, and because my baby keeps crying/won't go to sleep/won't eat/won't poop I'm a failure as a mother and never should have procreated, and I'm tired!"

That's my "I'll try to look like a competent mom for the camera" look.

It's okay. That moment will pass. Your baby will cry some day/night/wee hour of the morning, and you will have a little nudge in your head. You will act on it, and it will work. Then, a few weeks later, your baby will sleep from 9 pm to 6 am only waking up twice in the night, and it will be beautiful. And then your baby will start to watch you, and smile at you, and stop crying when you pick her up because she knows you're her mommy. And, slowly but surely, that super-powerful-all-knowing-runs-on-zero-sleep-and-still-manages-to-dress-baby-up-in-cute-outfits-and-do-the-dishes mommy inside of you will make her way to the foreground.

This was my reason it was all worth it.

And, with your beautiful angel in your arms, you will feel on top of the world.

My Walking Habit

Habits are so fickle. Sometimes I try and try and try to develop a new and good habit, but after an auspicious beginning, I usually fall flat.

And sometimes, good habits just happen--like three weeks ago when I started walking.

Since we live, literally, on a highway, there are no easy places for me to go walking with Cambrie. But my determination to become a little more active and spend more time outside with Cambrie must have supplanted my list of excuses. A little exploration unearthed a neighborhood just a minute's drive away that has a perfect little mile and a half loop. Since that discovery, Cambrie and I have made the hop-skip-and-a-jump trip four days a week. Not too shabby for a previously inert mommy and daughter pair.

I love being able to get my heart rate up, even for a short time, while enjoying the breeze and chatting with my baby. ("GA-gah!" "Yes, that's a dog." "Uh GA-gah GA-gah! Rahf!" "Are you barking at the dog? Yes, dogs say  'ruff'' " "Mama! ah Bihd!!" "Oh, yes, a bird, too!"...Scintillating, I know. But strangely wonderful at the same time.) But that's not all. I think I just may have found my dream neighborhood.

I love this place. The houses aren't too big, and the lots aren't too small. It is an older neighborhood, so the trees are large, lush, and mature. It isn't immaculate--there is the occasional sore thumb--but for the most part the yards are well-kept and nicely landscaped. Perhaps my favorite part is that every house is totally different. No cookie cutter homes, no matching mailboxes, no color scheme.

Perfect.

Even a lake! Maybe that's a little upscale from
what I'm used to, but a girl can dream, can't she?

This is my current favorite house. I think because it's blue.

My favorite part is how quiet it all is (if I ignore my little girl jabbering on and on). By quiet, of course, I mean filled with the songs of birds and the rush of wind and the rustle of leaves. I mean quiet from anything electronic, digital, fake, synthesized. I mean peaceful.

There are still undeveloped lots in this neighborhood, mostly wooded. This one had a little pathway back into the trees:

If I'm in the mood, this little pathway can start to seem very mysterious, magical, even. Not a bad place to start my mornings.

By the end of our walk, Cambrie and I have felt the effects of both the exercise (me) and the whipping wind (her):

Keep growing, little hair! You can do it!

I am still very excited that somehow, so far, this habit has simply stuck. It makes me feel a little more capable, a little more in control of my own life--like I can beat mediocrity if I have that steady determination.

I guess the real test will be if I can beat mediocrity with the put-the-clean-clothes-away-the-same-day-you-wash-them habit I'm currently working on. I'll have to keep you posted on that one.