The Blog Has Moved!

Okay guys! My blog is officially someplace else. If you're still linked to or "following" this page, you'll miss any future posts.

Go ahead and hop on over to http://followingmama.blogspot.com/.

Curious about the switch? Read more here!

Best,

Stephanie

New Location, New Name

This is a simple little announcement to say that I've decided on a new name for my blog and so, to thoroughly make the switch, my blog is also moving to a new web address.

The new name is "Following Mama," and the blog is not moving far--just a hop, skip, and jump down the road to http://followingmama.blogspot.com/. (If you go there now you'll notice it's still under construction--I'll fill in the obvious blanks soon and finish the rest as I'm able).

Sooooooooo since most people visit my blog via my posts on facebook, this shouldn't be a huge logistical issue. However, I know a number of you are "following" my blog or link to it from your own blogs. This is a heads up that you may want to switch the address on those links or follow the new blog, or you're going to notice my bloggy updates becoming very few and far between.

If you're curious about the name "Following Mama," stay posted! I'm a procrastinator, so this name change has been coming for over a year, and I've had lots of time to decide why I like that name. A post will be coming on that very subject. :-)

What I Wish I'd Known Before Baby #2

This is a post that I first thought about writing probably six months ago. Luckily, my fantastic sister-in-law recently invited me to join a group of moms who are blogging about their experiences in Mommy-hood. Since I'm only one of two in the group who have more than one child, I decided this would be the perfect time to write about what I wish I'd known just before James was born.

I wrote in a more objective point of view for the other blog, but here, I want it to be more personal: a letter to myself, advice and reassurance that I would have needed at that time, and that I think many soon-to-be-double-mothers would appreciate.

So. Dear Stephanie.

I know right now, you are a little miserable. You ache everywhere. You can't even get pants on without groaning. You lumber everywhere, and never quickly. You avoid picking up your daughter. You are constantly being forced to respond politely to well-meaning questions like, "So shouldn't that baby be here already??" and I know in your head you are not being very polite.

I know you're also a little anxious about the labor and delivery, and you hope you'll be able to manage the transition from one to two kids with some grace.

In a nutshell, you are pregnant. :-/ It's always a mixed bag. :-)

Well, I'm here to tell you some things that will ease your mind, and others that will prepare you to be strong.

First, all those aches and pains? I know you worry they won't, but I promise they'll disappear right after delivery. And it will be wonderful.

Second, you are very stressed about nursing. You managed with Cambrie, but it was not easy. Well, the bad news is that at the beginning it will be just as hard again. HOWEVER, it will get easier, sooner. Your little boy will also catch on quicker than Cambrie did, and that will help. In the end, just like with Cambrie, you will be glad you stuck it out. It works for you. Power through.

Now about Cambrie and the baby. I cannot stress how wonderful she is going to be. That little boy will certainly steal your heart, but he'll have a rough few months at the beginning. He is not going to be an easy baby (sorry). But Cambrie will not blink an eye. She will never retaliate against or show frustration towards him. She will want to help and be excited to watch him grow.

BUT. She needs you. It will be hard for her that you will be so preoccupied, tired, and stressed with a difficult newborn. Though you may not want to, especially when you are so exhausted, it will help so much when you make Mother-Daughter time with her while the baby sleeps. You can read books, make cookies, play with blocks, and tell stories. Sometimes, sitting her in front of the tv during naps will get you some rest, but don't do it too often. You girls need each other.

Now, learning to balance the needs of two kids is HARD. Some people get the hang of it quicker than others, and that's okay. But for you, it will be a real and serious challenge. After all, it's hard to feel like a competent mother on three hours of sleep with a baby still trying to nurse (and screaming in between attempts) and a toddler that you've barely had a chance to smile at that morning crying that she has to go potty or that she's hungry.

You may feel like taking care of one child means neglecting the other. But give it time: you will become a master balance-er. I promise that what seems impossible with a three week old (going anywhere with the two of them) will become old news in a few months. This is your challenge. You will meet it and succeed. I promise.

A few words of advice:

• It will feel like you can't make it any longer, but just give yourself three months. Each time you hit a month's milestone, you'll look back and see that things have gotten better. By three months, you'll feel positive, and all the things you need to accomplish will seem doable.
• Celebrate the small achievements, like successfully grocery shopping with two kids, or going to dinner as a family with the baby asleep the whole time.
• Here's a biggie: don’t compare your worst days to smiling pictures and chipper facebook status updates from your friends. Everyone has up days and down days, and everyone has different triumphs and challenges. When you feel like you're the only one who can't handle this motherhood thing, get off facebook and call a good friend to commiserate. I promise, you're not alone.
• Write down the happy moments, and you know there will be plenty. That way, when things are rough, you have concrete memories to buoy you up.

Remember your priorities. If an activity doesn't contribute to one of your highest priorities, then don't consider it necessary. You have this awesome opportunity to be the mother to two fantastic kids. They don't need a lot; they just need you. Focus on having a healthy, centered self; being a loving wife; and being an awesome mommy. You don't have time for everything, so make sure you have time for the important things--all the other extras will become easier with time.

Here's the most important one: a year or so from now, it will be hard to imagine your family without that little boy. Every day spent being unable to put him down, every night where you're up six times between the two kids, every spit-up covered shirt and rushed shower will seem like nothing to you--a small price for having him all to yourself forever. (You know, until he turns eighteen and rushes off to help Cambrie save the world.)

Before too long you'll be throwing kids in and out of car seats at the drop of a hat, nursing anywhere your baby is hungry, diffusing the worst toddler tantrums, and balancing naps like a pro. And it will seem easy, and it will feel rewarding. And when you get to that point, congratulations, mama. You are a full-fledged mother of two.

Return of the Kiddo Extraordinnaire

The months are flying by. I haven't hopped onto blogger in a while, and, rereading some of my posts from last fall, I've been startled by how quickly this year has been moving along.

I guess that's how life goes, with some times painfully inching along and others, stuffed with busy everyday-ness, flying by. I know time works that way, but it still catches me off guard when I realize I never did actually write down when James started scooting (5.5 months), crawling (6.5 months), and scaling stairways (the past few days).

Those are the things I tell myself I'll remember--HA. Luckily, I've already been down that road with Cambrie, so this time around I think I'm trusting my memory a little less and my keyboard a little more.

So, for the sake of being a good mommy and continuing coverage of Mr. James, here's how our little buddy is doing nowadays.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
I like never use those heart thingies. (Or use the word "like" superfluously.) So know I mean it.

He crawls everywhere. He is not deterred by makeshift baby gates like Cambrie used to be. Luckily, the real baby gate is in the mail, so hopefully Mt. Stairwell won't be available for scaling much longer.

James loves cream of wheat, applesauce, sweet potatoes, peas, and hard carrots to chew on. He's a party-pooper like Daddy and does not like avocados.

This little boy is following in his sister's footsteps and currently has ZERO teeth.

He likes Mommy, and really likes fussing until Mommy holds him. Mommy can currently do almost every kitchen chore with one arm, and tops it all off by getting a snack of chips and salsa, eating it, and cleaning it all up without ever putting the (heavy, squirmy) boy down. This is not to say that Mommy enjoys doing this. She just picks her battles.

FAVORITE PICTURE. Also, we're still not sure exactly how his hair became this blonde.

I think his favorite person in the world (other than security-blanket Mommy) is Cambrie. Can't blame him, and I certainly don't get tired of his special smiles just for her.

Best part of this picture? You can see how much Cambrie loves her brother back.

Someday, maybe, Cambrie will smile when I ask her to for a full three seconds before moving or making a face.

...Okay, so I know I said I was writing this for the sake of posterity, but I think my motives are changing. See, a few weeks ago I wrote in my journal that I thought I was beginning to fall head-over-heels for my little boy. So forget all the typical baby stats. Here's why I keep falling in love.

James loves to hear Mommy play the piano. Eventually, he gets tired of standing at the bench, chewing his hands and chattering as I play, and he demands to sit at the instrument himself. And oh, that face! He'll pound away on the keys and just grin and laugh and squeal at the sounds he can make! And then he'll look at me as though to say, "Look! I'm playing too! Haha! This is awesome!" And my heart just swoons.

This boy is not easily deterred. Cambrie was much more of a thinker, and presented with an obstacle, she'd measure it up a little more before trying to figure it out. James just seems to barrel at things (like a trash can he wants to eat or the floor he needs to touch to successfully get down from leaning on the couch) over and over again without considering the "why" or "wherefore." He thinks, "It's got to be done. It's going to be done. And I'm going to do it."

See, all he need is an incentive, like yummy plant.

He's started playing games. I don't mean enjoying games or tricks we play with him, like peekaboo, though he does love those. I mean he will play a game with me. His current favorite is to take a blanket and put it right up by my nose, covering my face. I'll shake it off really quickly, he'll grin, and then he'll press it right back up where it was before, over and over again. He thinks it's hilarious, and I kind of do, too.

James can be kind of temperamental, and I think he may still have some residual discomfort issues. Combine that with kind of awful sleep habits and, well, sometimes life can be difficult. BUT, when he's happy and rested (which is more and more often as things improve) this kid's curious, jolly, "why not?" approach to the world around him is infectious. 

Life seems so much simpler through his eyes; it's all about finding joy. Seeing Daddy when he gets home from work: an ear-to-ear grin that won't stop. Hearing Cambrie playing in the next room: his head picks up, and his eyes immediately brighten. Catching Mommy's eyes while playing in the backyard: a flashed smile that says, "This is awesome, and I love that you love it, too."

My boys.

I think I've said it before, but it is so much fun watching kid number two learn and grow. The best part is it's not about "kid number one" or "kid number two" but about this adorable little person, complete and distinct in all his awesome little ways, making our family more complete than it was before. I feel this sense of love-filled-selfishness. Our kids are incredible! And they're all ours!!

And now, knowing how Cambrie has grown, I'm even more excited to see how James' personality grows and how his understanding of the world around him expands. All the busy-everyday-ness aside, it's kind of a thrill raising kids. A crazy, sleep-deprived, spit-up covered, loopy-grinned thrill.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.